You remind us constantly that it's really Byakuya as well. I love the combination of Byakuya rationality, Byakuya instinct and feline instinct. And how Byakuya and feline instinct are so often united against Byakuya rationality and pwning it.
I like this better than the ff.net version-- for one, the last part was a much better ending than just Byakuya peeping *despite my gutter mind, hah, there are times when I can move my mind out of the gutter!!!!*-- him not peeping, but also recalling his own nocturnal efforts made the emotional aspect come more to the fore, as you depict his step by step yielding to his feelings and deepening of them for Renji.
And the bit of Renji angst was a really nice touch-- in love with a man who won't love him back, or so he thinks, with of course the fine irony of Byakuya's presence and feelings right next to him. Especially the towel touch-- I like the guilt there, and the acknowledgement that Byakuya feels something beyond lust and respect. And even if he denies it, it is belied by his next response-- he doesn't get into bed immediately not because he doesn't want to deepen his feelings for Renji, but because he's feeling some pique that it's not him, Byakuya, but cat Bya, that Renji is calling to bed.
Of course, you have Byakuya thinking that the cat form means that he can't deceive himself so much anymore, but he's still trying to-- now he's explaining the things he wants to do as cat reactions rather than Byakuya reactions. But at least, he's starting to be honest with himself.
There were a few lines that I didn't get right away, like the one about initial lust.... respect partnership, so I had to reread. But nothing major. And it's just part of my fetish that I have to figure out exactly what every line means.
And you've definitely cleaned up the sag in pacing that I noticed on ff.net. I'm too lazy to do a side-by-side comparison but I like the feel of this one. (Though if you want me to do a side-by-side to tell you what worked, I will, just let me know.)
You're in the middle of the 3rd chapter now? Woot!!!
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There's something perverse about a cat lusting after a man but...
Date: 2008-08-14 12:21 am (UTC)I like this better than the ff.net version-- for one, the last part was a much better ending than just Byakuya peeping *despite my gutter mind, hah, there are times when I can move my mind out of the gutter!!!!*-- him not peeping, but also recalling his own nocturnal efforts made the emotional aspect come more to the fore, as you depict his step by step yielding to his feelings and deepening of them for Renji.
And the bit of Renji angst was a really nice touch-- in love with a man who won't love him back, or so he thinks, with of course the fine irony of Byakuya's presence and feelings right next to him. Especially the towel touch-- I like the guilt there, and the acknowledgement that Byakuya feels something beyond lust and respect. And even if he denies it, it is belied by his next response-- he doesn't get into bed immediately not because he doesn't want to deepen his feelings for Renji, but because he's feeling some pique that it's not him, Byakuya, but cat Bya, that Renji is calling to bed.
Of course, you have Byakuya thinking that the cat form means that he can't deceive himself so much anymore, but he's still trying to-- now he's explaining the things he wants to do as cat reactions rather than Byakuya reactions. But at least, he's starting to be honest with himself.
There were a few lines that I didn't get right away, like the one about initial lust.... respect partnership, so I had to reread. But nothing major. And it's just part of my fetish that I have to figure out exactly what every line means.
And you've definitely cleaned up the sag in pacing that I noticed on ff.net. I'm too lazy to do a side-by-side comparison but I like the feel of this one. (Though if you want me to do a side-by-side to tell you what worked, I will, just let me know.)
You're in the middle of the 3rd chapter now? Woot!!!